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 One of my resolutions for 2009 is to make an entry at least once a week on this blog whether anyone reads it or not. I’m a little overdue with this one. By now it’s well known that VANITIES has been postponed. I’m not sure when we’ll come back, given that there’s no end in sight to this dismal economic situation. Will having a new president in less than two weeks be the shot in the arm we need to begin spending confidently again? Maybe it’ll help. I am hoping for the spring – that’d be a good time to open! The disappointment and anger have come and gone, and I know the entire company of VANITIES has gone through the same thing. Knowing full well that we didn’t enter this business for any sort of assurance, we still have to be allowed our grief, upset and frustration of having spent the better part of the last six months clearing our calendars for this time of year. For some, it is easy to find other work, for others, not so. And at least we were given the notice of postponement over a month before rehearsals were to begin, as opposed to right before, which would have been devastating (I can’t imagine what the cast of GODSPELL felt). We were very lucky to have had the time, albeit, it’s not very easy to find work over the holiday season. We have all dispersed and gone many separate ways, and I don’t know exactly what everyone is up to, but I hope they all find something to do in the meantime. I myself just booked a couple weeks of a workshop in February (performing) but after those couple weeks, it looks pretty bleak. I find myself planting the seeds on many projects; not just directing. While I still propose shows, both new and old, to theatres, as well as developing new shows in readings and workshops, I am still auditioning for things, I’m working with a local theatre on some fundraising ideas for them, I’m pursuing a jazz solo career – I’m casting as many nets as I can, all in the name of creativity. Some would argue that to cast so many nets, to have that much energy focused in several directions, may not be the best way to operate, and for some, it may be better to take one thing and focus entirely on that. I suppose I feel I’d be missing out on something if I didn’t keep so many fires stoked at once. Again, being creative is what I have to offer, and I’ll find a way to keep doing it. I suppose 2009 should be dubbed “The Year of Perseverance.” We have to keep creating our own projects. One more thing: keep supporting Theatre, no matter what. There is no economic stimulus package for Theatre. The film industry will survive, television will survive, video games, internet, etc… - these will be fine during these times. If you can’t afford to come to New York to see Broadway, off-Broadway, off-off-Broadway, etc, then please go out in your town and support your local theatre. Buy a season subscription, buy tickets show-to-show, but please support. Don’t wait until your local theatres shut down before wondering what their productions are like. You see, not only will you be gaining a wealth of entertainment and cultural enrichment; you’ll be helping out the entire industry. Shows come and go on Broadway, this we know, and as much as Broadway is changing and experiencing a slump right now, it will always be there in some capacity. But all of us, whether once in a while or consistently, depend on the theatres across the country for employment – we direct, perform and design in many of those theatres, earning not only our incomes, but health insurance and pension benefits as well. So, if you’re able, please set aside a little money this year to specifically benefit a local theatre. And these times will get better eventually.
 It's been eleven days since my last entry. I got down on myself at first for not keeping a more consistent record of the process out here, but I came to realize that I've been so immersed in the process and really wasn't able to step outside of it until now. Today is the last day of the first two weeks and we have all come so far and worked so hard. Innumerable discoveries have been made, and new fathoms have been reached. Watching each of the actresses move into their characters and discover that core of who they are is like peeking in on a small miracle in the making; it's like watching someone perform a real magic spell right before your eyes - it's that remarkable. I have experienced such acute joy in being present at that moment when an actor discovers a core truth about their character; they find it, realize it and feel it, and often it is overwhelming. There are aspects of these characters that are simply unlikeable, and to find that center is sometimes painful - to uncover that pain, that raw fragility, that is the main purpose behind a character's actions, and to embrace and experience it is a grueling, stinging, and often unpalatable thing. Yet in that unpleasantness is the magic and joy of transformation. What makes these moments even more stunning is that you don't necessarily see them coming. All the elements are right and * click* - magic happens. To call this process an act of magic is bromidic at most, but after observing it, I concede there is no other way to define it. The clichéd analogy is enduring. I am witnessing something rare and singular, and there's no acting class that can really show that: it's part of the rehearsal process, and I'm lucky to be a part of it. This is the journey of the actor. This is the process of the actor who is supported by really good writing and really good directing. Judy has created such a safe environment in which these actors can step out and try anything, and they do. I admit it is with a slight whisper of envy that I write this; I don't think I'd ever had material this good to work on as an actor, and if I did, say, in college, I certainly didn't have the faculties as an actor to really appreciate it. As I further my process as a director, I become a better actor - the process suddenly becomes reciprocal! We have run through the show several times now, and today is our last day in the rehearsal space. We have the luxury of moving onto the stage a week early, before tech. We have time to learn how the set moves, use the costumes, sound, some lighting, etc. The drummer, Michael, is here as well, so the orchestra is starting to fill out. The elements are being added slowly, one by one, so as not to be heaped upon the actors all at once on the first day of tech next week. Since the actors in this piece are onstage all the time, facilitating scene changes, set changes, their own costume changes - again: all on stage - it is so wise to add elements little by little. They are at times still overwhelmed by the demands of this show, but at least now they're being inundated in increments! Tomorrow's the day off, and I think it's a VANITIES day at Disneyland! More later.
 Seventeen years ago I had my first professional job being the understudy to the cast of FOREVER PLAID at the Pasadena Playhouse. 1991 – just a couple months after the earthquake of June 29, which collapsed part of a wall of the Playhouse. Well, today, the first day of rehearsal, we rode out a 5.4 magnitude shock that blasted through just as we had started our read-through of the show. The women were just singing the very end of the opening number, and I heard this thumping. My first thought was "Why is Carmel (the musical director) pounding the floor - the singers are in tempo," and that's when it felt like the building had been picked up into the air and then dropped 10 feet, then continued to shake and roll for several seconds afterwards. I think we all knew it was an earthquake the second it hit, but there was utter silence for a few moments afterwards, as it was still rolling along, and no one moved. One person suggested we get under the tables, another suggested we cram into doorjambs, and our PSM, Pat, suggested we leave the building. That made the most sense. We calmly grabbed our belongings and went downstairs and into the parking lot. It was then that Pat announced that we were on a "ten." I love her.
It should be noted that the Playhouse utilizes the top floor of a two-floor building (a furniture store!) as its rehearsal space, so we didn't have far to go. Later on, when I got back to my apartment, which is on the 5th floor, there were several misplaced, upturned and skewed items - the swaying must have been pretty bad there. I wasn't freaked out much at all, but I'm glad I was amongst other people when it happened.
After a generous ten-minute break, we went back to work, and by the end of the day, I wasn't thinking too much at all about the nearest doorjamb. I took it as a sign of good luck! A quake on the first day of rehearsal!
Okay - back to the title and the opening line: I find myself back in Pasadena after all this time. Pasadena was my starting point as an actor; the Playhouse gave me one of my first jobs. It was the start of something, and I will always remember the excitement I felt at being a part of a show that was receiving such great attention. I never did go on, but came close a couple times and I remember being devastated when it didn't happen. I also remember being housed in an apartment complex that made the setting for "Barton Fink" look like a suite at the Hyatt. I was being paid $200.00 a week, living in a trap above a Japanese restaurant, and really riding the highs and lows of it all: elated one day that I was involved; completely dejected the next because I felt so disconnected.
17 years later I feel so different: (as of today - and I don't see how it would change) I feel like an important player in this process (not that an understudy isn't important: I understudied in my last Broadway show and I like it). I always feel very welcome by everyone involved with this show, and I am viewed as a respected and integral part of the production team. So that overwhelming rush of memories, smells, sights and emotions that hit me as hard as that earthquake did as I walked into the green room of the theatre this afternoon was very soon afterwards tempered by the notion that times have changed, I have changed, and of course, the situation has changed. So has the entire staff at the Playhouse, save for one person (who I thought looked familiar, but not until we spoke did we remember and reconnect). So there are no ghosts here from the days of being a hungry young actor - only memories. There is only a new road ahead of me, and one of the stops along the way is a revisit to the Playhouse and seeing it in a whole new light, and in return, being seen in a whole new night by those who knew me back then. The Playhouse is indeed still standing strong, always welcoming in the next group of artists to convert its insides into new places, transporting all who come to view.
How else did today go? Very well. The read-through was great: it was good for all involved to speak and hear the words and music of Jack and David. Notes were taken, ideas expressed, discussions sent forth, and the good work has begun. It is wonderful to be here now; the excitement of actually putting on stage a show we've been reading and workshopping for more than a year. Lauren, Sarah and Anneliese are so good together, and it is a joy to watch them work with each other.
Judy gave me a book she just finished reading: A Director Prepares by Anne Bogart, which I had just two weeks ago considered buying and reading, but I decided to delay it in order to finish a few other books I want to read. However, it was presented to me, so the universe (and Judy) may be telling me something! I shall read it next.
Even though today's events were indeed exciting, I am hoping for a quake-free day tomorrow!
And yes, the accompanying photo was how we conducted rehearsal after the quake.
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